you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
