so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
