low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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