Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
