is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
