think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
