just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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