And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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