Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
