I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
