You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
