He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
