she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
