We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
