Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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