Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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