Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.