Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.