who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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