dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
