I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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