What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
