Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
