Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
