is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
