Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
