It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
