I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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