Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
