your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
