I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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