Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
