i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
