it's too hot outside to masturbate.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
