You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
