i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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