I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
