gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
