I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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