Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
