I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Green mimosas i think yes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
