My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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