I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
