My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
