we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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