Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it