so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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