Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.