he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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