you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice