just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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