yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.