Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He has that thing where they hang SUPER low

  (650): View more from California

  Ewww!! Elephantitis

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  (313): He has that thing where they hang SUPER low (650): Ewww!! Elephantitis http://tfl.nu/rmok
  Replies (7) Good night (667) Bad night (1229)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I accidentally had phone sex last night

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  (651): I accidentally had phone sex last night http://tfl.nu/0rrd
  Replies (6) Good night (1461) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?

  (1-209): View more from California

  yes...dear jesus what did you do?

  (209): View more from California

  bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.

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  (209): is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers? (1-209): yes...dear jesus what did you do? (209): bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off. http://tfl.nu/27hf
  Replies (56) Good night (4773) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation

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  (504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation http://tfl.nu/lbqv
  Replies (22) Good night (1437) Bad night (3170)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.

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  (906): The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock. http://tfl.nu/nnn9
  Replies (6) Good night (758) Bad night (3493)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.

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  (503): This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating. http://tfl.nu/ajdd
  Replies (15) Good night (1034) Bad night (3321)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"

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  (937): they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America" http://tfl.nu/sewn
  Replies (7) Good night (4274) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.

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  (612): Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p3u3
  Replies (3) Good night (2595) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp

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  (703): it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp http://tfl.nu/dn3p
  Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (1603)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"

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  (704): Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen" http://tfl.nu/5w2n
  Replies (5) Good night (1027) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.

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  (304): Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/4u1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1104) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.

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  (949): Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza. http://tfl.nu/9evg
  Replies (8) Good night (658) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.

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  (646): I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could. http://tfl.nu/xxra
  Replies (6) Good night (1412) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (874): View more from

  I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!

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  (874): I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night! http://tfl.nu/sa7u
  Replies (8) Good night (1325) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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  (510): A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out http://tfl.nu/sxee
  Replies (3) Good night (1487) Bad night (230)

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