the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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