They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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