K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
