I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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