paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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