Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They took my balls.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
