Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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