so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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