Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize