Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
