turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
