yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
