why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
