I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Randomize
