I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
