Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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