After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
