I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I see more hoeing in ur future
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
