I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
