i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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