then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
