Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
