I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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