I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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