The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
