no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
