Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
