I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
