Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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