I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
