I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
