Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
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After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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