My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
