All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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