just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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