I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's blow job season.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
